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Transcript from the First Time I Ever Called a Girl in 6th Grade

(Originally published 2/9/09)

KATE: Hello?

ERIC: Hi, is Kate there?

KATE: This is she.

ERIC: Hi, She. Is Kate there?

KATE: I’m Kate. Who’s this?

ERIC: This is Eric. Eric Kester. I was just calling to say hi…so, what’s up?

KATE: Nothing much, you?

ERIC: Not too much, you?

KATE: Nothing…

(Silence)

KATE: You there?

ERIC: Yeah, hi. So, uhhh, lately what music have you been listening to as of late?

KATE: I got the new Third Eye Blind CD the other day. It’s pretty good.

(Silence)

ERIC: I like Sex and Candy.

KATE: Excuse me?

ERIC: Sex and Candy. Love it. Woke up to it every day this week.

KATE: Oh…

ERIC: Yeah, it’s great. Like if I have a crappy day, I’ll just go up to my room for a little Sex and Candy. Totally relaxes me. My neighbor, David, loves it too.

KATE: Umm ok….

ERIC: Actually, I think Sex and Candy might be my favorite song ever. “Marcy Playground” is a great band.

KATE: Haven’t heard of it…

ERIC: So…this weekend what are your plans for the weekend? Any plans?

KATE: I think Jess and I are gonna go to the mall for some shopping.

ERIC: I’m pretty sure that Jess hates me. She’s never forgiven me for taking her V-Card.

KATE: What?!

ERIC: Yeah, I snatched it last year. I’ve never seen a girl cry so much.

KATE: That’s horrible!

ERIC: No, she totally deserved it. She spread this nasty rumor about me, so I waited until her back was turned and BAM -I went into her bag and stole the Valentine’s Card that I made her. She was real upset.

KATE: Oh I see…

(Silence)

KATE: You there?

ERIC: Yeah…sorry. I’m just at a tough part right now.

KATE: Are you playing a video game?

ERIC: Yup, “Goldeneye”. You know in the second part of the third level when you are escaping the facility on a tank? I keep failing the mission because I’m running over too many civilians. Hold on a sec…

(Silence)

(Silence)

ERIC: Okay I beat it. So anyway, I was wondering if you, like, maybe wanted to meet up for some food or even some lunch or something?

(Silence)

ERIC: Hello?

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