Schedule of an Author
(Originally published 3/2/10)
A typical day as I write my book…
7:30 a.m – Wake up
7:35 a.m –Lie in bed, realize I can sleep for five more hours, contemplate doing just that.
7:45 a.m – Remember that poorly written joke on the sixth page of chapter four, realize I won’t be able to fall back asleep until I fix it. Get up.
8:00 a.m – Brush teeth, look at mirror. Consider shaving. Nah.
8:15 a.m – Before getting dressed, check calendar to make sure it’s Casual Monday, Casual Tuesday, Casual Wednesday, Casual Thursday, or Casual Friday.
8:30 a.m – Eat breakfast, drink coffee to store up energy for a long day of sitting.
8: 45 a.m – Decide to work at home today
8: 55 a.m – Listen to mom ask me to take the dogs out for “tinkle-poop.”
8: 56 a.m – Decide to go to work at town library.
9:05 a.m – Arrive at library. Wave to librarian, divert her death-stare.
9:08 a.m – Choose a seat next to a friendly-looking old man.
10:15 a.m – Move seats after noticing friendly old man is looking at pictures of girls on Facebook.
10:20 a.m – Check the hit-counter on my blog. Curse audibly.
10:21 a.m – Refresh my blog 75 times.
10:30 a.m – Work on book.
11:30 a.m – Write funny joke. Be pleased with it.
11:31 a.m – Reread funny joke. Hate it. Delete it.
11:35 a.m – Change mind, put joke back in. Question sanity.
12: 20 p.m – Lunch break. Eat PB&J all by myself. Wonder if this is how it all started for creepy old man browsing Facebook.
1:00 p.m – Back to work! Going to be more productive this afternoon.
1:45 p.m – Goddam writer’s block
1:46 p.m – Check Facebook.
2:00 p.m – Refresh Facebook.
2:12 p.m – Refresh Facebook.
2:20 p.m – Refresh Facebook.
2:47 p.m – Refresh Facebook.
3:12 p.m – Be struck by inspiration. Get ready to write.
3:13 p.m – Forget inspiration.
3: 35 p.m – Try to write some more. Occasionally look up at other authors in the room and share expressions of mutual exasperation.
5:23 p.m – Go home.
5:45 p.m – Remember inspiration, open up laptop to write it down.
5:46 p.m – Battery dead. Screw it. I’ll probably remember it tomorrow morning.
5: 47 p.m – Turn on T.V.