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Facebook Math For Guys

Facebook is a great tool for guys looking for love. Deciphering a girl’s profile can be difficult, however, so I’ve come up with a few simple equations to help.

Kester’s Law of True Attractiveness: The true attractiveness of a girl is inversely proportional to 3 (three) variables of her profile picture: i) the number of people in the picture with her; ii) the blurriness of the photo; and iii) the distance of the girl from the camera

A = True Attractiveness
P = The number of people in the profile picture
B = Blurriness of photo
D = Distance from camera

The ‘Single and Looking’ Principle: The frequency at which a girl changes her profile picture multiplied by the number of bikini shots reflects the likelihood that she is single.

S = Probability that girl is single
F = Frequency that she changes her profile picture
B = Number of bikini pictures

The Intelligence Quotient: The level of a girl’s intelligence is determined by dividing the number of entries under “Favorite Books” in her profile by the product of the number of “smileys” and exclamation points used in the rest of her profile.

I = Intelligence
B = Number of “Favorite Books” listed in profile
:) = Amount of smiley faces used
! = Number of exclamation points used

The Cheating Postulate: The likelihood that a girl is cheating on her boyfriend is found by multiplying her number of Spring Break Albums with the number of pictures that she’s de-tagged.

C = Probability that girl is cheating on boyfriend
SB = Number of “Spring Break” albums
D = Number of pictures she’s de-tagged

The Creepy Stalker Projection: The probability that a girl is being stalked can be determined by multiplying her attractiveness by the frequency she updates her Facebook Status and dividing that product by the amount of Privacy Settings she’s enabled.

S = Probability girl is being stalked
A = Attractiveness
U = Frequency of Status updates
P = Amount of Privacy Settings enabled

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