The Wallet Purge
(Originally published 1/15/09)
I’ve developed a back problem from sitting on my super thick wallet. Sadly, it’s not fat due to any cash inside, but rather because I haven’t cleaned out any receipts or cards in about 4 years. Today I’m going to sort through my wallet and purge out any unnecessary contents so my back can reset to its natural vertical alignment.
Bank of America Debit Card: A no-brainer with this one. It’s worth as much as my bank account, plus a little more because of my autograph on the back. KEEP.
Driver’s License: Allows me to drink at bars and drive cars (though not in that order). KEEP.
Two “Charlie Cards” for the Boston subway system: One of these cards still has 40 cents credited to it, though I don’t know which. Too risky to throw away either one. KEEP BOTH.
My Old Harvard University Student ID: Because nobody believes me when I tell them. KEEP.
MasterCard: XBOX 360: 400 dollars. Blue-ray player: 300 dollars. Having your parents help bail you out of credit card debt: priceless. KEEP.
Chipotle Rewards Card: Only 14 burritos to go before I get a free small soda! KEEP.
Call-Ahead Seating Card from the 99 Restaurant. Worth having for when I eat there twice a decade. KEEP.
23 receipts: With the time and date on each one, it’s like having 34 alibis. Going to accuse me of a crime I didn’t commit? Well I have proof right here that at 4:06 on July 21st I was at a CVS buying DulcoLax. KEEP ALL.
Blockbuster Membership Card: What if Netflix suddenly goes out of business? KEEP.
Crumpled paper with girl’s phone number: So when my girlfriend reaches in my wallet to take out money, she’ll have a nice little reminder that I have other options. KEEP.
Health Care card: Probably will need to use it when girlfriend finds other girl’s number. KEEP.
Library Card: Books are so last century. THROW AWAY.
My back feels better already!